Grief and Gratitude

I'm usually an upbeat, happy person, so I've been perplexed these past few days by a feeling of free-floating depression. Everything in my life is great, so why am I feeling physically lethargic, mentally fuzzy and sad?

As I pondered this situation, I realized that this is the time of year when my i lost something very dear to me a couple of years ago. Eight years ago, on December 13, the loving, wonderful lady who had always been my rock, let go and moved on. She was pretty old,had lived a good life so far and was ready. But I wasn't, and still am not. I've gone on with my life, but not a day passes when I don't think of something I forgot to ask her, wish we could laugh together or I could receive her wise counsel on a troubling matter.

Even though I miss her every day, I'm usually able to enjoy my life and function just fine. However, each year around this time my subconscious reminds my body that it's a time of grief, and I feel "down" for a week or so. Once I identify what's going on, I can relax, be gentle with myself, and get on with things. Still, it's disconcerting until I remember that I'm reliving my grief over having an empty space where my lady should be.

What always amazes me is that my subconscious and body remember, even when my conscious mind is focused elsewhere. So this month I'm reflecting on her, and all the people who were physically in my life and are now in my heart. I'm also reflecting on how incredible the human mind/body connection is, and how grateful I am that they help remind me of the important stuff.

How about you?

UNDER THE COVERS

Seduced by the pleasure. Oh, my body is a pistol and my mind a lethal weapon within these sheets. I'm starving for more. Lock the door and give me what I crave. For I need a good night's sleep.
Through the course of time, we have never looked at sleeping as ever being considered cool, hip or exciting. You don't hear things like: "Hey, what you doing tonight? Ah, I'm going to get some deep, coma-like sleep. Right on man, that's cool."
Sleep can be a real balancing act, like Philippe Petit on the high-wire. The people that know me well know that I love jogging and train most days for many hours at the gym. Its benefits cannot be over-emphasized.
People sometimes ask, "What are you training for?" My reply is, "Life."
Too, I'm often asked about my nutrition and physical training, but rarely on my amount of sleep. It may seem obvious that sleep is beneficial. Even without fully grasping what sleep does for us, we know that going without sleep for too long makes us cranky and irritable, feel terrible, and that getting a good night's sleep can make us feel ready to take on the world.
The benefits of sleep impact nearly every area of our daily lives. However, most people don't realize how much sleep they need and why it is so important. Scientists have gone to great lengths to fully understand sleep's benefits. In studies of humans and other animals, they have discovered that sleep plays a critical role in the immune system, metabolism, memory, learning and other vital bodily functions. Our body manages and requires sleep in much the same way that it regulates the need for eating, drinking, and breathing.
Extensive research has been done on the effects of sleep. These studies have consistently shown that sleep plays a vital role in promoting physical health, including keeping your heart healthy and lowering your chances of developing diabetes. It helps maintain our body's ideal weight, reduces stress as well as reduces the occurrence of mood disorders.
This increases our longevity and emotional well-being. It also explains why after a good night's sleep, you feel better, your thoughts are clearer, and your emotions are less fragile. Without adequate sleep, your judgment, mood, and ability to learn and retain information are weakened.
We also know that exercise has a profound impact upon sleep. Up to a reasonable point, the more you ask your body to do in the day, the more sleep is required to recover. This is why endurance athletes in particular, generally need more sleep. However, excessive exercise can actually disrupt sleep so it is important to create a balance. Successful training, particularly for endurance sport, is a balance between physical work and subsequent recovery. It has been said that winning athletes are not those that train the hardest, but those who recover the most effectively.
Training is all about recovery. Each training session causes damage to the body, which must be repaired. Over time, if the recovery is inadequate, the body will eventually break down. Studies support that people who get the appropriate amount of sleep on a regular basis tend to live longer and have healthier lives.
This underscores the importance of making sleep a top priority.
As a matter fact, studies have shown that people who drive while sleep deprived is akin to drunk driving. If we just got proper rest maybe there would be less conflict in the world and happier people. For some reason, in society, sleep is not high on the priority list. Not valued. Looked at as a luxury and not a necessity. Why? It is looked at as a form of laziness or weakness. In fact, many judge harshly and make people feel guilty for their sleep requirements. People who say, "You can sleep when you are dead," need to get on the clue bus.
Your body tells you exactly what it needs, and nobody can gauge that for you. Some people even take stimulant medication to keep them going through the day, unable to function naturally due to lack of proper rest. Each person is different, unique, and requires varying amounts of sleep. Listen to your body, not other people's opinion of what your body needs. If your body tells you that you need to take a nap, then by all means take a nap. Don't feel one bit guilty about it.
You can accomplish more from a rested mind and body, than you can from a system that is all out of whack due to lack of sleep. Don't fight that urge to take a nap or sleep in. You will be much more productive and efficient when your body has had a chance to rest, restore, and repair itself during your slumber.
Listen to the wisdom of your body. It knows best. Behold these secrets from the adventures of a rewarding day recalled, with pinpoint clarity that transcends before the night--in the bedroom--under the covers.

GOD MAKES THE DRINK, NOT THE CUPS

One cold evening late in December, a group of alumni who were well established in their careers, got together to visit their old professor. After arriving at his residence, each began to boast of their individual successes, and before long old rivalries began to surface. Their only common thread seemed to be bitter complaints about the stresses each of them experienced in their workplaces and in their daily lives.

The professor listened quietly, then offered his guests a cup of hot chocolate. He went to the kitchen and returned with a large container and an assortment of cups, porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal; some plain looking, some expensive, some quite exquisite, telling them to help themselves to the hot chocolate.

When all of his former students had a cup of the chocolate in hand, the professor said: "If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were quickly taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the hot chocolate. In most cases the cup is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was the warm drink, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best, most attractive cup...and then you began eyeing and envying one another's cups."

"Now consider this: Life is the hot chocolate, the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, and the type of cup we have does not define, nor change the quality of Life we live. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the warm drink God has provided us. GOD MAKES THE DRINK, NOT THE CUPS.

Enjoy your hot chocolate! And remember: The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything."

DON'T JUST SIT THERE!

Do you ever feel like you are going nowhere?

Have you ever just stopped what you are doing because you were frustrated?

Well, my friend I have news for you. We are all going places even when we stop.

I was responding in an email to my friend Nathaniel. I said, "It's always good to have a dream and an ultimate dream, but use patchwork on the reality of your life."

I was talking about my front porch. It desperately needs to be replaced, but we can't afford it.

When I think about it, I have three possibilities.

1. My ultimate dream would be to tear it down and replace it with a small two story addition. Our bedroom is tiny so the second story would expand it a bit. The downstairs extension would be a closed in sitting area.

2. The dream would be to just replace the porch with a three season enclosure.

3. The reality is to patch the porch with a few new boards and lots
of paint.

I realized when I said this that formula is perfect for so many of my everyday dreams and plans.

The ultimate dream, the dream and the patchwork of reality.

Of course, one could argue that the fourth would be to do nothing.

Let it sit.

Then I "just happened to" (it never "just happens" for me) come across two interesting facts.

We may try to "sit this one out" but we are still moving.

How?

Earth's average distance to the Sun is 150,000,000 km (93 million miles), therefore the distance it travels as it circles the Sun in one year is that radius x 2 x pi, or 942,000,000 million kilometers
in a year of 24 hours/day x 365 1/4 = 8,766 hours so you divide to get 107,000 km/h or about 67,000 mph.

Yep! That's you and I on the move even when we sit still.  (I didn't figure that out. I researched it. There are other more complicated answers available, but I think this makes my point.)

Oh, what about creating a "new you"?

My doctors keep telling me that I need to re-create myself in order to be happy.

I found out I already do that without really trying...

Your skin, due to shedding of skin cells, replaces itself every 7 years. Actually, your skin sheds every 28-45 days, rejuvenating the epidermis and allowing the next generation of skin cells to come forward. The dead skin needs to slough off to allow the new cells to the top. We shed about 40 lbs of skin in a lifetime.

Gee, I need to lose weight. 40 lbs isn't bad.

Yes, there were other influences and possibilities with that fact, too, but again I think it makes the point.

The truth is you can't just sit there and expect positive change in your life. You can't just stop in one place and expect to get towhere you really want to be.

You have all that you need to make those changes.

You don't want to end up with a life that has been patched up too many times.

So, "don't just sit there!"

"I believe in you!

THE CHAIR

No matter where she moved or who she married that little chair had a place in her home. I had admired it for years and, although it was nothing special except that it belonged to her, I longed to have it.
Bright pink corduroy, she called it a "Sweetheart Chair". It was sort of heart shaped on the back and I guess the color, pink, gave it its name. Why I was so drawn to it, I can't really say. I just was.
Aunt Ann was like a second mother to me; full of advice, especially about men, relationships and marriage. Heaven knows she was fully schooled to give it, having had four husbands of her own, two of which she just plain out lived. She believed in marriage and it was quite obvious that when she was between husbands, she wasn't happy.
She loved taking care of her husband (and everyone else for that matter), waiting on them hand and foot, satisfying their every need. God fearing and a true servant to the Lord, she lived her life as an example of that and there wasn't a day that went by that I didn't draw from her unfaltering faith and her willingness to serve him and others.
Pecan pies were her specialty and my Dad said she was as good a cook as my Grandmother (who, he would always add, was one of the best). If I needed a recipe for anything it was her I called because she knew it by heart and even today I can fondly hear her say, "Well Honey, let me tell you what you need.".
Like my Grandmother, Aunt Ann never met a stranger and her home and her kitchen table was open to anyone and everyone. She made sure you never left without eating something, even at the very least, a slice of pie and coffee.
I guess that is why I wasn't surprised by her answer when I mentioned the chair. "Aunt Ann" I said while admiring it again, "if you ever decide to get rid of that chair, would you let me have first dibs?" "Why sure, Honey", she would say. Then, in a whisper, "You just come over some time when Harry isn't around, and I will just give it to you". I knew she feared Harry and what he would say or do if she gave something away, so I just accepted that.
He was her fourth husband and at the time she met him she was well into her seventies and had all but given up on the idea of having a companion for the remainder of her life. Harry courted her with flowers and cards, gifts and affection and she was like a schoolgirl with her first crush. A retired fireman, he seemed perfect in every way and we were all thrilled when she announced their plans to marry. But Harry was not the man she thought he was and the following 9 years with him would prove to be a struggle and a challenge of faith, hope and love for even the most dedicated of Christians.
In long conversations with her on the phone late at night, she would reveal to me the darkest and most troubling of stories about Harry and his bizarre behaviors. I knew she was afraid, afraid to stay and afraid to leave. We would talk for hours and I was always instructed by her, "Now Honey, don't say anything to anyone, this is just between us, OK?"
As we grew closer, I learned to love and respect her more than I ever thought possible. She was so good to everyone, and no matter how much she was driven down by Harry, she would always rebound with a smile and a kind word. Although I feared for her safety and well being, her dark secrets about Harry were mine and hers alone and out of love and faithfulness to her; I kept them to myself as she had asked.
October 12th of 1999 would prove to be one of the darkest days of my life when word came that she had died tragically and unexpectedly. My personal loss was unbearable. Gone was my mentor, my advisor, my counselor and the one person who could light up my life with the sound of her voice. I was lost. The months following her death would result in a total lack of communication and cooperation from Harry. He closed the doors and locked us out, denying us even the smallest of her possessions.
Months later, after hopeless negotiations with Harry and as a last resort, her daughter Jan would hire an attorney to obtain a small list of personal items that belonged with our family and had been handed down through generations. As my 50th birthday drew near and still grieving her loss, I dreaded it. Each special event in my life since her death just didn't have the same enthusiasm and I knew not having her here to burst through the front door, carrying her pecan pies and calling out to me, "Honey, what can I do to help you?" would be yet another challenge to my faith in understanding why.
As I busied myself with preparations for the party my daughters were hosting for my 50th, the doorbell rang. Aunt Ann's daughter, Jan and her husband Joe had dropped by to wish me a happy birthday and apologize for not being in town to attend the event the following day. We visited for several hours and caught up on family and friends, world events and local news. Joe excused himself and went unnoticed to his truck.
A few moments later he returned carrying a rather large wrapped 'gift' that he carefully sat down at my feet. "What's this?" I questioned. "It's your birthday present. Open it up", Jan coaxed. Bewildered by the whole thing, I cautiously un-wrapped the gift. I stood in total silence and amazement, my throat blocked by a huge emotional lump. There, at my feet, was that little pink Sweetheart Chair.
I turned to my cousin, with tears in my eyes, unable to speak. As if she could read my mind she explained, "When I gave the lawyer my list of items I wanted from Mother's house, I remembered the chair - the chair I knew Mother wanted you to have." I had no idea she even knew of the discussions about the chair, much less that she would request it - for me! It was the perfect gift - and suddenly turning 50 never looked better to me.
To lighten the mood, Joe asked with enthusiasm, "Well, where do you want it?" I wiped my cheeks and instructed him, "Follow me, I have the perfect place for it". He picked it up once again and followed me down the hallway to my room. As he sat it in the spot I selected, the wonderful memories I had of my conversations with Aunt Ann filled me with warmth I had long forgotten since her death. Her very presence was there too.

So there it sits, that little pink chair - the Sweetheart Chair, she called it - right there in my room and when I open my eyes in the morning, it is the first thing I look at and remember with great fondness my special Aunt Ann and I can almost here her say, "Now Honey."

THE COLOR OF MY WORLD

Strange, isn’t it? No, actually it‚s bizarre. Ladies, you can identify with this. When you‚re pregnant, don‚t you happen to see pregnant women everywhere you go?
I have a friend who, distraught about losing his hair, saw bald men wherever he went.

Same thing happens to me. When the discussion about my blindness surfaces, stories about a myriad of eye problems flood the conversation. Recently, a friend told me his father also lost his sight. All he could see were shadows and one other thing--the color orange. So, as a good son, he painted all items in his father‚s home bright orange.

"Hmm," I said. "Wonder what that might be like. Guess it would be better than not seeing any color at all."

But then reality struck me. Though I have no sight and thus, am unable to see any colors at all, my world is painted brighter than a rainbow across a blue sky.
I see the color of hope. Hope that fills my heart every morning and nudges me along from the moment my feet slide into my bedroom slippers. Hope because I have the gift of one more day. Hope to find yet another way to brighten someone else‚s life. And also the hope that the triumph over my difficulties can serve as encouragement to others.

Vivid hues of adventure brush across the canvas of my world. Adventure, particularly when I travel by myself. When I pick up my white cane, kiss hubby good-bye, I brace for the adventure ahead, unaware of the friends I’ll meet along the way, I welcome each unknown step. I giggle inside, wondering what stories I’ll hear from the passenger seated beside me on the plane. And the excitement of knowing I’ll come home with stories to tell adds to the adventure.

The bold color of determination highlights my days as well. Writing fiction is tough, requires tons of talent and rewrites, patience and more hard work.

But the deep shade of determination brushes over spots of discouragement. And perseverance blends with determination resulting in the painting of success.
Also, the brilliant shades of joy purposefully dotted swirl throughout. And, though not overpowering, the accent gives a refreshing and revitalizing look to my world.
A soft hue of quiet reflection adds a warm tone. Reflection in silence before God to draw serenity and calmness in the midst of a hurried world.

And finally, a rich wooden frame of gratitude borders the portrait I see. Enormous gratitude as the eyes of my heart gaze upon the divine artist whose hands brushed vibrant colors across my world.

WITHOUT LIMITS: DANCING IN MY PEDALS

I like what is between your legs--nice bike! That is our cycling humor. Ever do something that just engulfs your body? You feel totally alive? Cycling is one of those for me.

Some time ago I was asked: "Miles, why do you love cycling so much?" At the time I really didn't have an answer, or the correct one. Shortly after, I realized that it was an event with my brother. I was six, perhaps seven, and had just learned to ride a bike. Weeks later, he [then fifteen or sixteen] said, "We are cycling to Grandma and Grandpa's." From Greystone Heights to Richmond Heights. Down busy College Drive, over a bridge and a river. Six miles each way. A Thursday night. My mind was racing. Heart pumping furiously. Fear. Excitement.

Breathless. I still remember, to this day, the kaleidoscope of emotions. I remember thinking, "I must keep up to him and I can't fall over." My little legs turned those pedals. We made it home safely.

Each and everytime I get in the saddle, those emotions course through me. Excitement. Fear. Alive. Being in the moment, present, the timeless Now. A tour de force of the mind, body and soul.

There are times that I ride to push my limits. Throwing my body into chaos. Tapping into the vast storehouse of unlimited, unmanifested human potential. How far can I push the body? This machine. Many days are like this--like some kind of study of the human condition. Others can be more of a leisure ride. Lost--so lost in the joys of carefree wondering that even the hustle and bustle of a noisy highway can become quiet, like a library.

One does not necessarily have to go to a tranquil beach or behold a beautiful sunset to find real beauty. Real beauty is found in oneself. It's not a location, the location is you. To truly travel is to travel within. That's the ultimate vacation. You can write things like that out there. Or perhaps, anywhere. It is possible if one allots time, real time.

I truly believe we need to escape each day. Have time to ourselves, with ourselves, to go purposefully within ourselves. With that, many things occur. One recharges, not their smartphone battery, but more importantly, their own eternal battery. One detoxes from the day-to-day grind of society, removing the pollution of negativity and stress. Tapping into the vital life force that can be found only in the inner realms, one gets back on the path to one's True self. Like the energizer bunny, one is able to keep going and going and going...body revived, soul restored, spirit renewed. One has to allot time each day for this. If not, your chain slips, breaks, and no real forward momentum develops.

As I'm clipped into my pedals while turning over the 53 tooth crank, I think of my late father, friends that died too soon, kids in wheelchairs. Grateful that I can. Not taking health or life for granted. My father was killed in a tragic potash mine accident when I was five. October 17th, 1968. I'm sure the thought never crossed his mind that he wouldn't have an October 18th, 1968. Or, that plate of bacon and eggs cooked by mom would be his last meal.

From that, I learned that tomorrow isn't promised to anyone, that we have to be our best today. Today is all that we really have. Now is all there is. Life is hard work. Life is tough. There are no guarantees. There is no fairy godmother floating in the sky or genie to grant our every wish. There is no magic pill to rid life of its pain, sorrow and heartache. There are no shortcuts. Period.

Once we get this, stop resisting what is, we can begin the process of awakening from the illusion, thinking that we need things outside ourselves to make us happy. Behind this veil of illusion, one is guaranteed to find all the joy, beauty, and meaning that life gifts to us.

The cycling time trial is truly a 'race of truth'. Saturday, July 7th, 2012, I would create my best result - 46.5 km (28.8 miles) time trial of 58 minutes. Results are joyful. The exhilaration of beating your personal best is indescribable. When one creates his or her best, the most wonderful feeling comes from it. You've created a result that no one can take from you.

As it is said: "It is better to execute then to be executed." It's one thing to watch sports, but it sure is far more enjoyable partaking in your own life. If that were sports at your community gym, activities at the local rec center, or anything else that gets you up and moving. Life is not a spectator sport. It's about getting engrossed in your own life. Not sitting on the sidelines, waiting for opportunity to come grab you by the hand. Not living vicariously through another's life. Vegging out on the couch, eating a triple bypass burger or mindlessly snacking on calorie laden, artery clogging, chemically altered food. Passive. Drinking, even tweeting about it. Spending countless hours on Facebook posting mindless, empty, trivial info about one's self or perusing other's Facebook page to read meaningless information about people you don't even know well.

One must ask the questions, did all that posting and reading on Facebook improve my life? Did I learn something new, gain valuable insight, and become a more compassionate and caring human being?

To live one's best life, one must become engaged to something in their life. One must play full out. Living one's life as if one's life depended on it. A sense of urgency. One must awaken, stop sleepwalking through life. Heed the knock at the door. Real passion stands there waiting. Take hold, for the passionate pursuit of it will take you on an exhilarating ride of unspeakable joy.

So, I look down and enjoy what is between my legs, my old friend--my vintage bike frame. Purchased in August of 1987. The places we have been. The people that we have met, and the life lessons I've learned along the way. I really didn't plan all this when I purchased the bike. The journey, in ways, found me. This life without limits. With this endless prairie sky and the sound of nature, I dance in my pedals.

SURROUND YOURSELF WITH LIGHT

Below are beautiful thoughts for all of you to use as inspirational guidance. Feel free to send these old, wise suggestions, to anyone you care for, and are thinking about right now.  

 

- Don't ever take away someone's hope; it may be all they have to hold on to.

- There is nothing good or bad in life, it is all about choices, so choose wisely.

- Don't be afraid of saying, "I don't know" or "I am sorry". - Learn to say "no", but do so with kindness and caring.

- Don't make decisions when you are angry. - Live in the moment. Don't rush ahead. There is much to taste of life in the "now".

- Don't expect life to be fair, but don't be so hard on yourself.

- You've come to this life to learn all about who you are. So enjoy the experience.

- Put yourself into positively challenging situations everyday.

- Don't be worried about losing a battle, if this helps you win the war.

- Much of your growth as a person will come through hardships and challenges. Embrace those and know you will be better, stronger and wiser because of them.

- Create magic moments for your family, friends and yourself.

- Don't put things off. Do what needs to be done in the moment.

- Treat everyone, as you would like to be treated.

- Don't get out of control at any time, breathe deeply, rethink what to do and say.

 -Take care of your physical body.

- Love your body. It knows what you think, from your emotions spring health or illness.

- Repeat positive affirmations all the time.

- Look into the eyes of people.

- Learn to listen. It is an art.

- Don't believe all that you hear AND don't say all that you think.

- Always tell the truth.

- Be thoughtful and careful with what comes out of your mouth since with those words you create your own reality.

- You don't need other people to love yourself. Loneliness is only a state of mind.

- Nurture and maintain your friendships.

- Choose your partner well, for there is derived a lot of happiness.

- Live more in your heart and less in your head.

- Surround yourself with light everyday!

- You have a right to be happy!

- Get rid of hatred and bitterness, they do you more harm.

- Life is all about energy. Try to feel it around you, through you and in you.

- Distinguish the positive from the negative.

- There are no coincidences and no accidents in life. Everything big and small is for a reason. Pay careful attention.

- Enjoy the beauty of this Earth all around you.

- There are those things in life that can never be recaptured: the spoken word, time passed and opportunities.

- Do one thing at a time and do it well.

- There are two dominant energies in life, love and fear. Love overcomes all. Stay out of fear. There is nothing to fear, it only brings chaos

- Meditate at least thirty minutes a day.

- Learn to enjoy times of rest. And have a great journey.

FINISH WHAT YOU HAVE STARTED By Bob Perks

I have so many things in my file of "Unfinished Business." Not a file in a drawer in my office, but a file I keep stored in my mind.

These things that I began over the last almost 62 years now, are piling up on me.

Some, I will admit were foolish dreams and plans that may have had a beginning, but were destined to end early without completion.

Still others sit there looking out at me waiting for me to give them life again.

Today I came across a message in a bag I carried with me to the radio station each Saturday morning as I did my live broadcast, "Success Line."

I wish I had to the chance today to be there behind the microphone sharing the thousands of stories that came into my life at that time.

Today, I decided to dust one off and share it with you.

Maybe, like me, you, too, have many unfinished things in your life waiting for you to rediscover them before it's too late.

From "The confidence Course" by Walter Anderson 1997)

"At ten minutes to seven on a dark, cool evening in Mexico City in 1968, John Stephen Akwari of Tanzania painfully hobbled into the Olympic Stadium, the last man to finish the marathon.

The winner had already been crowned and the victory ceremony waslong finished. So the stadium was almost empty as Akwari, alone, his leg bloody and bandaged, struggled to circle the track to the finish line. The respected documentary filmmaker, Bud Greenspan, watched from a distance. Then, intrigued, Bud walked over to Akwari and asked why he continued the grueling struggle to the finish line.

The young man from Tanzania answered softly, "My country did not send me five thousand miles to start the race. They sent me five thousand miles to finish the race."
What things have you started and never finished?

What dreams are still waiting for you in a file marked, "Unfinished Business?"

Isn't it time to dust them off and head toward the finish line?

God didn't create to to start this life. He created you to finish it!
"I believe in you!"

MY FRIDAY STORY - I ENJOY THE READ

I don't remember the title, but I remember the book had two hundred and fifty-four pages. I got the book from the bookmobile, which came to our village every three weeks, when I was a kid.

It was the biggest book I had attempted to read at the time. I found it on a shelf of youth mystery books in that wonderful, book-scented bus, filled with all delights of reading.

Wind-blown rain pattered noisily against my bedroom window, as I opened the cover and flipped to chapter one. For several hours I was lost in the story. I looked at the page number and saw I was on page sixty.

"That's not too bad," I thought. "I'm almost a quarter of the way through."

I looked at the number of pages in a book as a scary chore. Throughout my teens, I always checked the page number I read and compared it to the total number, anxious to be done with the task - whether reading for pleasure or homework. I gauged my progress by how close I was to the end. My satisfaction came when I closed the book on the last page.

Forty years later, enthralled with a good story, I never look at the page number. I enjoy the story. The end is no longer a sigh of relieve. It's a sad moment, when I have to leave the world in the pages and return to the real one.

I savor every moment of the life I am taken to between the pages. It was those same teenage years when I longed for time to fly, so I could be on my own - to live the life I wanted.

I didn't savor the pages as they turned.

Today, my final page is hopefully not too close. I want to savor the story my life pages have to offer. I've learned to enjoy the story.

Each page is carefully read and loved for the new information it holds.

What did yesterday teach me? I turn the page on tomorrow. What new mystery and excitement will unfold?

I no longer rush life; I enjoy the read.

MY FRIDAY STORY - PLEASE, DADDY, DON'T DO THAT AGAIN!

When my son was only about three years old, he and his sisters were playing a game that involved chasing each other though the house with loud giggles of laugher erupting every few minutes whenever one of them came close to tagging one of their siblings.
The giggles were interrupted suddenly by a loud crash followed by a blood-curdling cry of pain. I jumped to my feet and ran to the living room where the apparent mishap had occurred. My son had come around the corner too fast and had fallen head first into the corner of a table. I quickly picked him up from the floor where he was lying and held him in my arms both to comfort him and to examine the wound. Streams of blood gushed from his forehead.
By the time we reached the emergency room, his tears had subsided a bit, but I was nervously anticipating the slight trauma still ahead of us. After examining my son's forehead, the doctor confirmed that he would need to stitch the wound in order for it to heal properly. The good news was that the cut would require only one stitch. The bad news was that the doctor planned to do it without any anesthesia. "We can stick him once or we can stick him twice," the doctor informed me.
I was then told that giving him a shot to anesthetize the area would be just as painful and traumatic as giving him the single stitch. The shot would then have to be followed by a second "stick" to actually stitch up the wound. I reluctantly agreed with the doctor and opted for the single "stick".
I encouraged my son that he was being a "brave little boy" as the doctors and I gently strapped a restraining device around his tiny body to keep him from thrashing around on the table during the procedure.
Inside, I was fighting back tears as he looked at me with frightened, but trusting eyes. "Keep looking at Daddy," I encouraged him. "You're being a very brave little boy." His huge eyes remained locked on mine as the doctor gently washed out the cut and prepared to stitch the wound shut.
"Okay, here we go," the doctor said quietly. "It should be quick." "Keep looking at me," I said, trying to smile and draw his trusting eyes into mine. "Daddy's right here." With precision and swiftness, the doctor quickly stabbed the curved needle into the swollen flesh near the cut on my son's forehead. My son's eye's widened as he gasped in pain. Then in a whimpering voice that carried the sweetness and innocence that only a three year-old can summon, he looked up at me and said, "Please don't do that again, Daddy."
My heart broke. How do you explain to your three year-old son that the pain he is experiencing-the pain that, in his mind at least, was caused by me-was inflicted with love, with a desire and design to bring healing? Oddly enough, that is one of my most precious memories of my son's early childhood. The procedure was over almost as quickly as it had begun and, after a few hours, my son had returned to giggling with his sisters. (Running in the house, however, was forever banned from that point onward.)
His trust and sweet response to the ordeal continues to pierce my heart with love for him. This episode is also a reminder for me of our heavenly Father's love and care for us and for those around us who may be experiencing a painful season in life.
In my mind's eye, I can envision God holding us as our Father whenever we're hurting and telling us to keep our eyes on Him and to trust Him, even if we don't understand why things are happening to us. When we're tempted to blame Him for our pain or to cry out, "Please don't do that again, Daddy," we can take comfort in knowing that He is very near to us, that He loves us and to trust that, even though we may not always understand, there is a higher purpose at work in everything that happens to us.
So keep your eyes on Him. Trust Him. He's holding you and healing you. He will never let you go. Know, too, that giggling-or however you experience joy-will soon be a part of your life again.

MY FRIDAY STORY - THE MOST POWERFUL WAY TO TALK TO YOURSELF

There are many diffrent possible ways to talk to yourself. One way is to reassure yourself. For example, before a party you might be feeling a little nervous so you tell yourself, "It's going to be fine. It'll turn out okay."
Another way to talk to yourself is to give yourself advice or instruction. For example, "At the party, focus on drawing people out and getting them to talk about themselves."
Another possible way to talk to yourself is to put yourself down. "I look like hell. I'm a loser."
Or you could ask yourself a question. On your way to the party, you could ask yourself, "What can I do tonight that would make it genuinely fun?"
Of all the possible ways to talk to yourself, asking yourself a question is the most powerful. Questions direct your mind and set trains of thought into motion. That's what makes them so powerful. Questions are generative. They generate thought. And because they are so powerful it really makes a difference to pay attention to the questions you ask yourself and to ask yourself good questions.

Asking yourself a bad question before a party, for instance, can create excessive anxiety and a negative experience. For example, "What if I can't think of anything to say? What if I embarrass myself? What if I'm a loser for the rest of my life and I never get married and live alone and shunned by the world?" The what-if questions are creating a chain of anxious thoughts and images that produce feelings of anxiety. With thoughts like these running through your mind, you arrive at the party feeling nervous and withdrawn. You can't think of anything pleasant to say (because your own anxious thoughts are occupying your mind) and you embarrass yourself with your own awkwardness. Keep this up and your dire predictions of a lonely life could come true — not because you are stupid or ugly or have character flaw, but merely because you never paid attention to the questions you asked yourself, and you never tried to ask yourself high-quality questions.

What makes a good question? That's the obvious next question, isn't it? What makes a question a good question? The answer is simple. A high-quality question has a good result. It focuses your attention on something that makes you effective. It directs your mind to something that helps you successfully handle the situation. A question is good if it leads to a good result.

Bad question: What if they don't like me?
Good question: What is something I could do right now that would make me more likable?
Bad question: What if I fail to accomplish my goal?
Good question: What's the most important thing I could do to make sure I accomplish my goal?

A high-quality question is one that produces an end-result you desire. Check in on the questions you ask yourself (you'll have to pay attention because your thoughts are happening automatically much of the time) and then ask this question: "What is the result of asking myself that question?"
If the result isn't good, ask yourself, "What result do I want?" And when you decide on a result, ask yourself, "What question can I ponder that would help me achieve that result?" Don't settle for the first thing that pops into your head!

Think about it. Make a list. Force yourself to come up with ten good possible questions.
Then choose the best question — the one that will produce the best result — and practice asking yourself that question. Literally practice. Ask that question many times. Get used to asking it. Make it familiar and comfortable and automatic.
There are certain times when it would help to ask yourself that question. Practice asking that question at those times.
For example, when Katie is preparing for an interview, she doesn't want to obsess about her automatic questions, "What if they don't want me?" and "What if I make a fool of myself in the interview?" She is fully aware that those questions don't put her in the best frame of mind to have a successful interview.

She decides that a good question to ponder is, "How can I help these people?" That will put her in just the right attitude for an interview. That's a question that will produce a good result. So while she is getting dressed for the interview, she asks herself that question. She ponders it. When her mind wanders, she comes back to that question. And in the car, on the way to the interview, she thinks about it some more, trying to think of ways she can help her future employers. Whenever her mind drifts to her worries, she asks herself, "Yes, but how can I help these people?" And even walking into the interview, she is wondering how she can help them.

What do you think would be the difference between Katie sitting down for an interview wondering, "What if they don't want me?" versus sitting down wondering, "How can I help these people?" What kind of difference would she have in attitude? In her demeanor? In her level of stress hormones? In her focus — outward focus versus inward focus? I think you can see it would be a large and visibly obvious difference. The second question would make her more effective in the interview. The second question is more likely to lead to a good result.

Asking yourself a good question is a very powerful tool. What great things do you think it can help you achieve? Good question.

Ask yourself questions that lead to good results.

IT TAKES COURAGE

It takes strength to be firm,
 but
It takes courage to be gentle.




It takes strength to conquer,
 but
It takes courage to surrender.




It takes strength to be certain,
 but
It takes courage to have doubt.




It takes strength to fit in,
 but
It takes courage to stand out.




It takes strength to feel a friend's pain,
 but
It takes courage to feel your own pain.




It takes strength to endure abuse,
 but
It takes courage to stop it.




It takes strength to stand alone,
 but
It takes courage to lean on another.




It takes strength to love,
 but
It takes courage to be loved.




It takes strength to survive,
 but
It takes courage to live.

DOING NOTHING TO GET SOMETHING SYNDROM •#1 Reason Why Most Nigerian's Won't Succeed

Most Nigerian's are 10% PASSIVE and 90% LAZY.

"I beg, I beg, Na My Papa Work. I no go kill myself now"......."Wich way seff, anyhow, anyhow money go show"..."I Begiii, body no be machine."

Once I was young but now I am old and I have seen the same pattern of DNGS (Doing Nothing to Get Something) life Style amongst many Nigerian's. And most of this individuals have live an average life all through.

Most Nigerian's;
Want to INVEST Less and GAIN More.
Want so WORK Less and REAP More.
Want to GIVE Less and GAIN More.
Want to SACRIFICE Less and SUCCEED More.

This Not A Good Trend.

To be a SUCCESSFUL NIGERIAN who achieves RESULT in all aspect of his/her life, you must be READY to commit the same MEASURE of RESOURCES that matches your EXPECTATIONS.

NOTHING Out = NOTHING In
SOMETHING Out = SOMETHING In
EVERYTHING Out = EVERYTHING In

Nothing goes for Nothing. You have to strife hard to celebrate hard. Our society naturally gives room for habitual Passiveness and Laziness. But you have to make that difference as a Next Generation Nigerian.

YOU CAN BE A SUCCESSFUL NIGERIAN..

Special Lives

The stage is set for a dance performance. It's bright and well lit with music slowly building up. The dancers take center stage. There are mixed group of nine, both boys and girls. There was no nervousness, no tension; just bright smiling faces waiting for that right moment to start dancing.

They were dressed in gorgeous red, brilliant green and lovely black. Satin ribbons of red and green alternated on hands to act as props. They were helping each other keep their positions right on stage before the performance.
The dance started off with gusto, beautiful movements and synchronization. They were smiling and had their rhythm perfect. It was enthralling and beautiful. The performance ended with the same gusto and as they bowed out of stage, the audience erupted into a thunderous applause. It went on lauding the dancers to stand there and smile their beautiful smiles.
So what's special about a dance performance? The children are from a school for special children with various forms of growth difficulties. The list of debilitating and restraining ailments was long and all that the hall full of audience expected was maybe children who weren't too sure of themselves.
The dance ended but the music continued in our hearts

The Mystery Of Love ( Valentine's Day Special)

Love is like magic

And it always will be.

For love still remains

Life's sweet mystery!!

Love works in ways

That are wondrous and strange

And there's nothing in life

That love cannot change!!

Love can transform

The most commonplace

Into beauty and splendor

And sweetness and grace.

Love is unselfish,

Understanding and kind,

For it sees with its heart

And not with its mind!!

Love is the answer

That everyone seeks...

Love is the language,

That every heart speaks.

Love can't be bought,

It is priceless and free,

Love, like pure magic,

Is life's sweet mystery!!

MY FRIDAY STORY : VALENTINE’S DAY AMBUSH

Valentine dinners with my parents became a thing of the past once I was old enough to date and crushes ran hot and cold. Although I didn’t realize it at the time, more than likely I wasn’t missed those evenings anyway!

Still, before heading out for the evening I always received a sweet card, possibly a small gift of sorts, and upon returning home later; I indulged in my fair share of whatever home-made, mouth-watering dessert Mother had prepared for the occasion. Typically it was a layered cake baked in heart-shaped pans, a scrumptious treat she served each year and I’m proud to say those special pans are now in my possession.

My senior year in high school, was under siege on Valentine’s Day with a storm blasting its way across the plains. School was dismissed early and “puppy love” dates were cancelled. After a few years without my presence for the evening, I’d be celebrating with my parents. Amazingly, it came to be an event that left a picture perfect imprint in my mind and an unsurpassed sentiment in my heart.

Mother had prepared Dad’s favorite meal for dinner but as the storm intensified she began to watch the clock and pace the floor.

“I’m really getting worried. With this weather I knew your Dad would be a little late getting home, but not this late!” She busied herself keeping dinner warm determined not to burn anything, but continued her march to and fro glancing out windows for headlights.

As a self-absorbed teenager, I continued with my phone conversation until I heard the door open and Mother wailing, “Oh, where have you been? I’ve just been worried sick!”

I rounded the corner to see Dad with his arms full of flowers and a box of chocolates. He smiled, “Happy Valentine’s Day, Honey!” Mom threw her arms around him…causing him to juggled gifts while trying graciously to accept Mom’s embrace.

The bouquet of flowers took center stage on the dinner table and we seated ourselves for dinner.I reached for my napkin and spied a small package by my plate that had seemingly appeared out of nowhere.

“What’s this,” I asked filled with excitement and surprise for Mother had already given me a sweet card and a tiny figurine.

“Just open it!” Dad’s brilliant blue eyes sparkled with mischief.

I ripped into the package lickety-split and could barely speak; it was a new bottle of Ambush cologne, quite a popular and affordable scent for teenagers at that day in time.

“Dad! Did you buy this all by yourself?” I squealed.

“Well, just kind of. It took some help from the clerk—actually it took a lot of help!”

I was stunned beyond belief. A Valentine gift purchased by Dad; Mom always did the shopping. I levitated from my chair to give him a bear hug and big kiss!

“You know I’ve seen that perfume around here forever and figured I could remember the name if I thought about western movies. Ya know how they’re always ambushing one another. Well, everything was fine until the clerk as me what brand…I told her Apache.”

“Apache!” I giggled until tears rolled down my cheeks.

Dad snorted and informed me it really wasn’t that funny at all. The clerk insisted there was no such cologne, while he swore there was. They went ‘round and ‘round until he decided maybe he had forgotten the name—but made it clear he would recognize the smell his daughter seemingly bathed in. That’s when the “misting marathon” began. He wasn't leaving the store without the gift he was determined to purchase.

“It wasn’t long until I started to sneeze non-stop, my nose began to run, and I almost got sick from so many smells. Just when I thought I’d have to take a break outside in the fresh air before continuing, the clerk suddenly hit on it!

“That’s it, that’s it! Thank you for your time ma’am.” He smiled at the clerk and sneezed once again as he charged out the door towards his car through an all-out blizzard.

Never once have I asked Dad what possessed him to buy me a gift that year. Realizing my days under his roof were would quickly coming to an end has always been my suspicion.

Roses, teddy bears, and cupids abound each February creating what will one day be fond remembrances. As for me, comical but precious memories of my Valentine’s Day Ambush are revisited in vivid detail! They reside in a special niche of my heart…the one that’s reserved just for my dad!

If I can SEE it,then I CAN do it, If I just BELIEVE in it

An opportunity presents itself with a bow of hopes and promises. And you know mama always said, "Go for it!". You decide to take it thinking why the heck not?And then the insecure thoughts flood in,what if I don't get it? What kind of impression will I make? How humiliating will it feel to tell others of my misfortune? Then the optimist kicks in, refreshing your thoughts with all your strengths, confidence and ambition that are hidden within you. The whole process is mystifying,nerve-wrecking and fast.It's over. Your fate is in the hands of the judges.
Who will it be?

It wasn’t me. Yes it wasn’t me. I have to repeat saying it to myself so that I may finally accept it. I won’t lie, I felt the pain and all I desired was squashed into a million little pieces and thrown away. No talent here. No personality. Not what we are looking for.
I What an unfortunate being that has no purpose and reason to be living. The thing is, is that everyone experiences these moments. They might not speak of it but they know the feeling. No one likes to lose. Everyone likes to succeed.

The question is what now?
Now you must change your perception. In actual fact you should have changed it long before the opportunity came along. You seem to forget that an opportunity serves as a chance for you to grow. Whether you get it or not there is always room for growth-small or big. Don’t be indifferent to it-accept it. Keep looking and don’t give up on yourself. You are all you have and what a wonderful opportunity it is to be someone. The future holds many more mysteries and may take you through a complete whirlwind of change and new hopes and promises. It’s never the end unless you let it be. Time moves on, the world moves on and you should too. Let go of the feelings that are not helping you reach your potential.

As cliché as it may sound-Everything really does happen for a reason. Even though you might not know the answer now, it will come some day.
It’s an EXPERIENCE which is worth remembering. It is a LESSON worth learning and keeping.

You have many talents and you can be someone great.

Everyone’s road to that point is different, the roads criss and cross or end but new ones will always begin. Nurture your strength and enhance your wisdom and become the best you can be.

WHAT YOU CAN BELIEVE, YOU CAN ACHIEVE

MY FRIDAY STORY - How Do You Love?

Yesterday I broke a crystal vase that was important to me. Someone I love gave it to me, and I was really upset with my clumsiness.

My husband, seeing my distress, was soothing and calm, and said, "Let me see what I can do with this." While I continued to rant at myself, he quietly took the pieces away, worked his magic and made it like new again. When he brought it back to me his face was filled with sweetness, and it occurred to me that this repaired vase was a gift of love.
I began thinking about all the ways he shows me he loves me. Words are nice, but his actions speak volumes, and I'm so very blessed to have him in my life.
I then thought of a woman I know who complains that her husband and children don't love her. She says they never say it, and she feels that nobody cares. However, when I look at her family I realize that there is a lot of love being given. She just doesn't recognize it so doesn't know how to receive it.
When her husband goes to work at a job he doesn't like, so that she can do what she wants, which is stay home and raise the children, that's a gift of love. When her adolescent son offers to pick up something at the store so she won't have to pack up the smaller kids to go out, that is his way of telling her he loves her.
Love is all around us, but we're often like my friend who expects it to come in a specific form. When it doesn't, we miss it and feel unloved.
So this month I'm reflecting on being aware of ALL the ways people show me love, and being happy to receive it in whatever form it's given. How about you?

Growing Your Belief System

Everyday is full of opportunities. Unfortunately, we don't
always see the truth in this. In fact to a large degree
whether we are able to accept this or not depends on our
past experiences -- that is whether or not we can recall a
time in our life where we ventured to try something and
achieved it.

It is through each and every accomplishment that we build up
the belief in ourselves which ends up leading to our
willingness to attempt again, and expand to bigger
challenges which also hold far greater opportunity for
richer rewards.

Friend, make it a point to regularly reconnect with your
life's accomplishments -- both big and small knowing full
well that in doing so you are nurturing your belief system.
Make no mistake, it's your belief system that allows you to
achieve your hearts desire.

It's your life, LIVE BIG!

DEPRESSION (Part1)

 When someone you love has depression, you may wonder if there is anything you can do to help. The simple answer is yes. Your support and encouragement can play an important role in a loved one’s recovery from depression. Yet taking care of yourself is equally important.
Depression can easily wear you down if you don’t tend to your own needs, making it hard to provide the support your d...epressed friend or family member needs. But with the following guidelines, you can learn how to help a loved one who is depressed while maintaining your own emotional equilibrium.

Helping a depressed friend or family member

Depression is a serious but treatable disorder that affects millions of people, from young to old and from all walks of life. Depression gets in the way of everyday functioning and causes tremendous pain. And it doesn’t just hurt those suffering from it—it impacts everyone around them.

... If someone you love is depressed, you may be experiencing any number of difficult emotions, including helplessness, frustration, anger, fear, guilt, and sadness. These feelings are all normal. It’s not easy dealing with a friend or family member’s depression. And if you don’t take care of yourself, it can become overwhelming.

That said, there are steps you can take to help your loved one. Start by learning about depression and how to talk about it with your friend or family member. But as you reach out, don’t forget to look after your own emotional health. Thinking about your own needs is not an act of selfishness—it’s a necessity. Your emotional strength will allow you to provide the ongoing support your depressed friend or family member needs.
 

MY FRIDAY STORY - Life's "Living" Moments

 How many "living" moments did you experience today, in the last one-week or one month? Can't remember! True because most of us are so busy trying to live life that what we are actually doing is not living but trying to catch up. Because we are conditioned to believe that if we catch up now, we can live later. Alas, not to be.
Step back, sit down , take a deep breath. The world is still going on as usual. Nothing changed because you took a breather. When did you last take time to smell a flower, walk barefoot on dewy grass, enjoy a baby's gurgle or just plain enjoyed the aroma and flavour of your coffee?
I hear you saying, "Gee, I don't remember".
Life is fast paced and never ending. It's a list of to do things, which begins and never end. There is no recipe for being a perfect daughter or son or parent or partner.  These roles have evolved over ages and still will evolve. What the world needs is more love, more care, more safety and above all, more loving people around .God may be busy at times but He has so thoughtfully made You and Me to be his messengers of love, peace and care.
So whenever you can smile at someone who least expects it. Give your kid an unexpected hug, hold your partner's hand, call your parents, send someone a nice message. Go ahead, do this and many such small gestures. You can be rest assured that you have planted a smile on someone's soul.

Go, start counting your tender moments. Trust me, soon you will have many!